Ritual Humiliation
Well, it happened again this week...... a client picked the other coach who I was in "competition" with to get a coaching gig. I hate it when it happens mainly because I hate losing out. Over my 20 plus years as a coach, this has happened on many occasions. Sometimes, I am the one picked but it always feels very personal when I am not. I rationalize it by saying that of course the coaching client needs to pick someone who is the right fit for them but am left wondering on what basis the client made their decision as often it is difficult to get feedback.
The worse scenario I remember is being at a conference where all six coaches were "wheeled" in and faced the audience a la X Factor style. We then had 5 minutes each to introduce ourselves. It had shades of the Miss World contest from 1970 for me!
The potential coachees could then chat to us afterwards in a “trial by buffet" situation. The experience was not one I enjoyed although I picked up a delightful coachee who I worked with for over 12 months.
Below is the advice I penned in my book Running a Successful Executive Coaching Business on the topic of coping with these so-called Beauty Parades
I probably need to re-read my own pearls of wisdom from this while I'm still smarting at the ignominy of being rejected!
Here it is:
“Beauty Parades” for Coaches
OK let’s say something about this as most coaches will have had a negative experience. “Beauty parades” are when you are in competition with other coaches for a corporate contract and the sponsoring client either selects via paper profiles or will ask each coach to give up 30 minutes of time to talk to a potential coachee in the business. The coachee then picks the one they like the best. This can be soul destroying if you are not picked and can really feel like a waste of time. The best way to cope with these is:
- Not to prepare too much in advance and not to set too much store in getting the work (difficult, I know, in the early days as a coach). Concentrate on finding out about the client’s role, wants and needs rather than trying to bludgeon them with all your qualifications and expertise. They will appreciate being listened to and you will be able to adjust your message depending on what they say.
- Try to balance the time of the chemistry meeting so that you are giving information about yourself and your coaching method as well as giving the coachee a feel for what it would be like to be coached by you. You will not want to get into a huge amount of depth as you have not officially contracted with them. However, by exploring their objectives, what motivates them plus their strengths and weaknesses you will be able to ask questions in a coach like way that the client will appreciate.
- Treat it as more learning about building rapport as well as how to sell yourself as a product. Statistically you will win one in the end.
- Supervision is a great place to "process" emotions and learning from these scenarios as well as to explore what emotional hot buttons are pressed for you in these "coach-offs". Your supervisor will be able to supply an empathetic shoulder to lean on and a fresh perspective on how to tackle beauty contests in the future, so you win more and care less about the ones you lose.
Please Contact Julia to discuss any of the issues raised here further.